Why my husband doesn't work for the CIA

I might kill my husband. Ok, lest that ends up in some sort of legal records somewhere, let me say I'm kidding. Kind of.

Last night I came home from work, and we were headed to dinner with some friends. I said, "I won't be drinking, don't you think they're going to notice?" (Not that I'm a lush, but I usually have a beer or wine with dinner.)

And he says, "How long are you planning to wait to tell everyone anyway? I already told Mom."

I went from zero to Irish in about 10 seconds.

"WHAT?! I told you not to tell anyone yet!"

"I'm excited! I had to tell! You know I can't keep a secret!"

"Yes, but I needed you to keep THIS secret! I told you that! Things can still go wrong! I'm about 2 seconds pregnant -"

"Two DAYS..."

"It doesn't matter."

"I may have told my dad too..."

Oh. My. God. His dad dates this woman who has the biggest mouth on the planet. If she finds out, game over. Now I feel like I have to tell my parents too, before they find out secondhand. I had been thinking MAYBE we would be telling our parents and siblings on Christmas (at 5 weeks) if things were still ok.

Oh, then he threw in the kicker, because I was close to tears - "Are you getting all pregnant and emotional already?"

I went upstairs to get ready to leave, about to lose it, then felt a little bad after the fact. I have all of my wonderful online friends to talk to, and he doesn't have anyone. I know he's excited. But it's just still so early.

I'm so worried this baby won't stick. I think I'm going to call my doctor's office on Monday to see if I can have bloodwork done because they didn't order any. Decent betas would make this easier, I think, because I keep taking tests and I confess that I'm still temping. The tests are getting slightly darker, but are still light, and my temp has gone down a little. It just fuels my fears.

Stick, Miller Lite, stick...
(Thanks to Kathy for that nickname, hehe)

My lips are (kind of) sealed

A brief recap of what I posted on the TTGP board - I talked to my mom, who told me she had sensed that I wasn't excited about my friend being pregnant. So she asked if we were trying, and I confessed that we are. She asked how long, and I told her. She told me she was sorry because she didn't know, and that it can take awhile. Thankfully she also promised not to be bug me about it. So that's that. I feel better now. I'm not sure why I didn't tell her from the beginning, but I think maybe just because I wanted it to be a surprise when we do get pregnant. Which, with the roll I'm on telling people, it may not be a surprise to anyone!

Yesterday I started making a mental list of the people who know we are TTC. In order of when they found out, they are:

1. My best friend, A - She knew we were going to start trying months in advance, because she and her husband are going to be trying soon too and we talk about everything. We spent hours talking about babies and pregnancy long before my hubby and I got down to business. Now I've turned her on to charting, and it's so fun to stalk her!
2. My SIL - When she got pregnant (on birth control) she was totally freaked out and told me I should get pregnant with her. So I told her we were planning to start trying the following month.
3. My friend K (who dates my BIL) - I told her when we found out SIL was pregnant.
4. My two BILs - When my husband started having some performance issues, he talked to his brothers, so they know what's up too. I guess I shouldn't be the only one to get to confide in someone...
5. My friend B - She badgered it out of me. I dodged the conversation once, then finally caved and gave her the details.
6. Random former co-worker I visited recently - She asked, and caught me totally off guard (we never had that kind of a friendship!), so I just said, "Yeah..."
7. My (now pregnant) friend J - I spilled when she told me she was pregnant the other night, as I mentioned. I said we were trying, so maybe our kids could be friends like we were.
8. My mom (and therefore presumably my dad)
9. Oh, and hundreds of Internet strangers from TTGP. haha

There are still people who I don't want to know - my MIL, who can't keep a secret to save her life; my husband's dad and gf (because they are simply not tactful human beings); and a few other friends. My sister doesn't know either, but we've never had that kind of relationship. My mom had to be the one to tell me she was pregnant with my niece.

It's nice to have people in the loop, but I don't want to announce our pregnancy the second it happens, so I think they'll all be on the lookout for red flags like not drinking or not feeling well... oh well! Can't put the cat back in the bag now!

A gratuitous "cat out of the bag", not-so-great-quality shot of my kitty when she was a baby:

"I need another story/Something to get off my chest/My life gets kind of boring/Need something that I can confess...I'm gonna give all my secrets away..." - One Republic