Mommy Material

Let me start by saying I love my mom. I talk to her almost every day, and tell her almost everything. I say "almost" because she doesn't know that we are TTC. I think it's a combination of not wanting to get the constant questions/wondering from her, combined with wanting to surprise her and my dad when we do get pregnant.

Well, it seems it is definitely going to be a surprise. Saturday I was talking to her on the phone and we were discussing how I plan to get a new vehicle when my husband's car is paid off next year. I have had the same car for 9 years and it is getting up there in miles. It also is a small two-door that has no cargo room, and I am pretty positive I couldn't even fit a carseat in the back seat. So I was discussing with my mom whether I would want a four-door car (I love the Mazda 3 and 6) or a small SUV. She asks the inevitable question: "Well, are you planning to have kids?"

I say, "Hopefully, someday." (I feel this was truthful.)

She says, "Well, I just wonder about you sometimes."

WTF?

She goes on to tell me that my grandmother recently told her she didn't know if she could see me with kids. And then adds that when she was talking to a woman she has known for many years at the college I used to work at (where my mom still works), this woman says, "Oh no, I couldn't see (MillerTime) having kids." My mom then says my husband and I "want an awful lot" in life. I really have no clue what this means. We don't have plans to travel the world or go sky diving. Or move to a studio apartment in a big city. We just got married last year and upgraded to a 3-bedroom house with a playhouse in the back yard in a family-friendly neighborhood, for heaven's sake.

I just don't get it, and my feelings were hurt. Last year when my mom found out my sister was pregnant (which did not go over well because my sister has a lot of issues, isn't married, etc.) she told me she hesitated to tell me because she thought I'd be upset because she knew I wanted kids. I don't get how that has changed. For years whenever I've held my cousins' babies, my mom has remarked, "You really like babies, don't you?" because she has never been a "baby person". Since my niece was born last December, I have spoiled the crap out of her and make a beeline to pick her up whenever we're visiting. I have talked many times about being a preschool or kindergarten teacher (I worked at a daycare for a year). So what is it about me that says to everyone, "Hey this chick shouldn't have kids!"?

My mom has made comments in the past when I was taking care of my niece that she "can't see me with a baby" because I'm "too intense." I admit it - I'll probably be one of those moms who freak out about every little thing and want my baby on a strict schedule and won't want anyone else to watch him/her. Maybe a little Kate Gosselin-esque...without all the plastic surgery and tabloid fodder. But I will also spoil my baby to pieces and love him/her so much I can't even put it into words.

It probably didn't help that this conversation fell on the eve of the end of my fourth cycle of TTC. But I guess I'll just show 'em all when I finally get pregnant!

"You're entitled to your opinion/But it's really my decision/I can't stop now I'm on a mission/If you care don't you dare blur my vision/Let me be all that I can be/Don't smother me with negativity/Whatever's out there waiting for me/I'm gonna face it willingly..." - Joss Stone

Inappropriate Comments, Take 2 - I Don't Want a Secondhand Duck

Last night while I took my final exam for the sign language class I took this quarter, my husband went to his dad's house to have an early birthday dinner (his bday is Thursday). I went to pick him up on my way home, and stopped in a for a few minutes to say hi to the family. His dad's girlfriend (who is never exactly soft-spoken or tactful) immediately says, "Come see what I got your baby!"

You're shitting me, right?

She continues babbling as I follow her upstairs: "I got Halloween costumes on clearance for the grandbabies!"
*enters their bedroom where there are little Halloween costumes hanging on the curtain rod*

"I figure we're going to have all these grandkids, so they can recycle them every year. I got the duck and the monkey so (SIL) and (BIL) can choose one next year. And I got your baby the devil costume. Because your little boy will be a little devil! Isn't it cute?!"

Internal monologue as I stand there with a smile plastered on my face: We don't have a baby, but don't you worry, it's not for lack of trying. And when we do, I don't want it to wear a devil costume. I want the adorable duck costume. And I don't want it pre-worn. And I want a girl, not a boy.

"We need more than one grandbaby! I don't want to share (BIL and SIL's)! You guys need to get on making some babies!"

Continue smiling blankly while trying not to cry/scream at her.

I proceeded to say something appropriate but vague like, "Yeah, they are cute." And then went back to the kitchen to see if my husband was ready to leave. This is not the first time she has said something along those lines, but the first time since we have been TTC. And, among many other reasons, this would be why I avoid their house at all costs. Serious in-law fail.

Inappropriate/Awkward Comments - Weekend Edition

Friday at dinner with my husband's family
My husband is saying how he'd like to join the Y or find a hobby because he "never has anything to do when he gets off work."

My brother-in-law (husband of my pregnant SIL, who both know we are TTC): "Maybe you should just go home and have lots of sex and get your wife pregnant like me."

Um...really? He said it in a joking way, but it was so not funny. I changed the topic quickly and made a note to make him feel super awkward in public sometime in the near future.

Saturday Incident #1
The hubby and I are discussing the family vacation next June that his mom has started planning, and I tell him how I hope to be pregnant then, and how I want to 1-not be miserable and fat on vacation on the beach, and 2-may not be able to fly depending on how far along I would be.
"Why?" he asks. I say, "There's some medical reason you can't fly later in your pregnancy. Blood clots or something maybe?" (I haven't exactly researched the reasons at this point.)

Fast forward to sitting at the in-laws' house Saturday night. My MIL is talking about vacation, and my hubby says, "(MillerTime) doesn't want to fly."
MIL: "Why?"
Hubby: "She might get blood clots."
MIL: questioning look at her son like he's lost his mind
Me: *death stare at the hubs* "Nope, actually I would much rather fly. I hate riding in the car."

And also on Saturday
Me: "Does anywhere around here have smoothies? I really want a smoothie." (We are in a new community since we moved - a much smaller one.)

BIL (yep, same one): "Tim Horton's has good ones now. Maybe you're pregnant. (pregnant SIL) always wants smoothies."

Me: dies a little inside - "Anyone want to go to Tim Horton's with me?"

Add those ridiculous instances to the fact that I was badgered by another friend last week until I confessed we are TTC, and then a former co-worker (who I like well enough, just not close enough to share really personal things) flat-out asked if we are trying.

Ugh. Come on miracle baby. I need you this month or I'm going to need to start throat punching people.


Quick edit to include a pic of the black mantel as promised, and our almost done family room (need new fireplace doors, new curtains and new windows, but overall it is looking good!)