Christmas 2010

Our Christmas was the usual whirlwind of visiting family. I won't bore you with the details, but Christmas Eve meant my husband spent the day with his dad and brothers - I made a quick stop there and then spent the evening with my family at my grandma's and church. Christmas Day we did our own presents at home (finally got my Snuggie - whoo hoo! haha). Then we headed to my parents', my grandma's, his grandma's, and his mom's.

Baby Miller Reveal #1 happened at my mom and dad's. Once everyone had opened presents, I gave my sister a gift bag and said, "Oh, this one's for (my niece) too." It was this onesie:

She opened it and said, "Big cousin?!" and her fiance said, "Big cousin?!" and my mom says, "Big cousin?!" But my mom didn't get it at first! She saw the pink outfit and thought it was a shirt my dad had bought my niece and thought he got the wrong one! My sister sarcastically said, "Yes mom, their cat is having kittens," and my mother says, "The cat is having kittens?" and I was like, "Mooommm!" (She's really ditzy sometimes!) Finally she got it and was like, "I can't believe you kept this a secret!" But of course they were happy and excited.

Reveal #2 came at my husband's mom's house. His mom and stepdad already knew, if you recall, but I wanted to break the news to his siblings, especially my friend K who dates his brother and his pregnant SIL who I promised to tell right away.

I pulled the same trick and said, "This one's for (niece to be)," and gave the same onesie to my SIL in a gift bag. We finished opening presents and K says to my SIL, "You haven't opened (niece's) present." She's like, "Oh, right!" So she opened it and said, "Big cousin!?" and her eyes got big and she looked at me and I said, "Hopefully it will fit her in August!" And K goes, "Are you pregnant?!?" and I said yes, and she said, "That is a VERY big secret to keep from me!" And they both got all teary eyed, and my hubby's brother says, "I SO called it!" (He had texted my husband when we were out to eat the other day asking if I was pregnant because I hadn't been drinking.) Then my SIL and I started talking pregnancy, which was nice - we go to the same ob/gyn so it will be nice to know what to expect in the next few months.

So Christmas was a success! Unfortunately yesterday I came down with the flu, so I've spent a couple of days on the couch telling my little appleseed to hang in there while mom tries to get better! Hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas!

No news is good news

I have spent the days since my BFP being terrified of something happening to our little Sprout (as I've now taken to calling him/her. Last night I told my husband, "Sprout's hungry again." hehe). I did force myself to stop temping and stop testing a few days ago. Then I asked my doctor's office if I could get my initial bloodwork done early, since otherwise it wouldn't be done until my 1st appointment on Jan. 18.

Yesterday I went to get the bloodwork done at a lab and asked the tech if they would check for numbers doubling, etc... and she said, "Oh no, they only do that if there's a problem. This is just a prenatal panel." Basically they were testing for diseases and such, and I had to pee in a cup. Crap - I wanted betas! So after a brief freakout, I told myself that if it weren't for The Bump, I would have no clue about betas, and I should just resign myself to the fact that I am pregnant like any sane person in the real world!

It was very surreal to have a "real" person ask, "When are you due?" and "Is this your first?" It caught me off guard! I think by telling my parents and our siblings on Christmas it will start to feel more real too. I have very few symptoms, so it's still just hard to believe.

So I'm taking this one day at a time, thanking God every morning and night for our Christmas miracle, and asking him to give us a healthy pregnancy and baby.

In case I don't "see" you all before Christmas, I wish my dear readers a wonderful, safe holiday filled with family, friends, food and lots of great presents ;o)

Oh, baby!

"For a long time there were only your footprints & laughter in our dreams & even from such small things, we knew we could not wait to love you forever." ~storypeople.com

I've referenced this Story People "story" before, but today it is so much more meaningful - I'm pregnant! I got a faint second line on an HPT this morning... and I'm still not convinced it's real.

I had had some symptoms that could've been anything - feeling tired, crampy, having a lot of sinus issues, and a kind of burning/aching feeling in my boobs. I was convinced I was making all of it up as I do every month. This morning I took a test and was remarkably calm when I saw that line show up. I just got in the shower and started doing my hair and putting on my makeup! Then I dug the Bengals onesie I'd bought a few cycles ago out of the closet, and when my husband woke up I told him Santa had brought him an early Christmas present. He opened the bag and I said, "You might not want it at this point, but..." (because the Bengals are having a terrible season). And he stared at me, and I said, "I took a test this morning." And he said, "Seriously?!" Then he came and hugged me and said, "That's awesome!"

When I showed him the test he asked if I was sure it was positive, and I assured him that after staring at all of those blank white spaces for months that I knew what it was! I will still follow up with a digital to prove it to him and I'm sure I'll be peeing on sticks for a few days to convince myself too. I told him, "Just so you know, it's gonna be a girl." And when he went to leave for work he said very nonchalantly, "See you girls tonight!" *insert my giant smiling face here*

The morning was so ridiculously ordinary that it is hard to believe. I called my doctor's office and set up my first appointments - my nurse's appt is on Jan. 18 (around 8-9 weeks), and my first OB appt is the first week of February. How will I ever wait that long?!?

With all of the happiness, though, I am also scared. I have seen so many of my lovely Bumpies come back to the board all too soon due to chemical pregnancies and miscarriages, and I know that I have a long road ahead. I am just hoping and praying that this Christmas miracle sticks, and that we get to bring home a beautiful, healthy baby at the end of August!

We need a little Christmas now

"Santa's tried his best but that one's a little hard... Sometimes what Santa wants to give a good little girl like you is patience." ~Santa Beiste (Glee)

I'd been feeling pretty optimistic this cycle. Our timing was good, my boobs have been sore - a symptom I never have - and I keep thinking, "It's Christmas! My prayers have to be answered!"

Today, though, my boobs are not as sore, and as much as I like to think my chart looks great it's not that far off from two cycles ago. So today I am an emotional wreck (maybe a symptom?? Maybe?!?) and I am realizing my hope for being pregnant this month is bordering on desperation. I need this to be it. I don't know how to start a new year not knowing how long this journey is going to last. I need to be able to get through Christmas and my niece's 1st birthday and New Year's and my sister-in-law's baby shower without the stress and self pity that will inevitably ensue if this isn't it.

The quote up above from Glee's Christmas episode really struck a chord with me. I've realized how much I've been hanging my hopes on a Christmas miracle, but just as Santa couldn't magically make Artie's legs work, the fact remains that just because it's Christmas doesn't mean I'm going to get what I asked for.

In the end, the prettiest charts in the world don't guarantee a BFP. Phantom symptoms can be all in my head. But this Christmas, I guess I'll keep clinging to the hope that Santa got my letter and brings me what I want more than anything else in the world.

"And I don't need boxes wrapped in strings/Or designer love or empty things/Just the chance that maybe we'll find better days..." - Goo Goo Dolls

Got the cart, now where's the horse?

I have to confess my first cart before the horse purchases. I am borderline embarassed to admit this...but I bought a diaper bag and maternity jeans over the weekend! I was at Marshalls on Saturday and found an adorable diaper bag that was only $13, and my friend K (who is a total shopping enabler) supported my buying it. I said, "It's pink, so I'd better have a girl!" and she said, "You're the mom - you can carry whatever you want!" This is why it's a bad idea for us to go shopping together.

Then we went to Old Navy where I found a pair of maternity jeans in my size on the clearance rack. They were 50% off because they are an online exclusive, and I would get an extra 20% off because of a sale they were having. So they were $15! Who can pass that up? So...I bought them. Told myself it was a sign that they had one pair and they were my size. At the register, the cashier happened to be K's cousin and she says, "You know these are maternity jeans. And they're non-returnable." Me (feeling like a lunatic): "Uh huh."

I promptly took both things home and hid them in the back of my closet. I think maybe I was just feeling optimistic because I am pretty sure I ovulated that day and managed to get in some sexy time with the husband. I really hope it pays off!

In other weekend news, I spent all day yesterday finishing our Christmas tree and putting up decorations. My hubby put up the outdoor lights Saturday. And I even got out the plexiglass panels to winterize our front screened-in porch last night! It was a cold, tedious job but at least we don't have snow blowing onto the porch anymore.

I even tried my hand at baking - which, if you recall from my "I'm a Terrible Housewife" post, is not something I typically do. My friend's mom used to make these awesome little pastries called kolaches (I've seen various spellings) that have jam in them, so I found a pretty simple recipe and tried it out. Here are some of the better results (on the left) and the ones that didn't stick together on the right:

They weren't great. They were pretty bland and didn't stay together very well. I think I'm going to look for another recipe or see if my friend can get me her mom's.

So all in all, a very busy and productive weekend!

Dear Santa...

As I checked out my one lonely dot on my chart this morning, I started to look ahead to the rest of this cycle. I realized that if I stay around 30 days for my cycle, I'll likely be testing a couple of days before Christmas.

So on Christmas I'll either be looking like this:



Or like this:


Only time will tell... (sorry, couldn't find a royalty free pic for the sad/angry one and this one fit really well! The company I used to work for used Shutterstock all the time, so I feel like I'm allowed to steal this one.)

On another Christmas-y note, I've switched my cell phone's ringtones to holiday ones. Every year I make my husband's ringer "All I Want for Christmas is You" by Mariah Carey because I love it and he hates it. 'Cause I'm evil like that.