Tuesday, September 7, 2010

My ugly green monster

Living with my inlaws is difficult enough (they are awesome, don't get me wrong... it's just not "home") with 6 people and 4 big dogs. But when one of those 6 people is my pregnant sister-in-law, it makes it a little more difficult for me. We are only 2 months into our TTC journey, but this is something we've been thinking and talking about for months. And for me, something I've wanted for as long as I can remember. My SIL got pregnant on birth control. Yep, that's right. One of those. I am extremely happy and excited for them. But at the risk of coming off as a selfish bitch, I am struggling with being so up close with her pregnancy. Thursday they find out the sex of the baby and I am positive I am going to cry. Both out of joy and out of jealousy.

Here's my secret confession: I remember watching Jon & Kate Plus 8 and hearing Kate say she "just knew" conceiving wasn't going to happen easily for her. Opinions on the Gosselins aside, I feel this nagging feeling in the dark corners of my brain that says the same thing: "You're going to have trouble getting pregnant." Maybe it's just the pessimist in me. Maybe not.

My SIL wants me to be pregnant with her, and obviously there is nothing I want more. So for now I'm putting on a happy face and hoping for the best. Come on baby... we're all waiting for you!

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