Hey there, 2012

2012 is just around the corner. Maybe it will be the end of the world as we know it (thank you, REM). I certainly hope not, because I've got a lot of living left to do (credit - that country song I am too lazy to look up).

Obviously 2011 was a big year for us. We grew to a family of three, and I don't think you need me to re-hash all the ways that changed our lives. It was challenging and amazing all at the same time. I can't believe this time next year my baby will be walking and talking(ish).

I have only two resolutions that I am committed to. Sure, I have other things I would like to work on (a laundry list of them really) but here are two that I am insisting I will acheive:

1. Get Amelia sleeping in her crib. I've been lazy about this thus far. I tried one night and she was mad and I caved and brought her back to her Rock n Play in our room. I was going to try again, but then I was tired... and she had a cold... and got her shots... and it was Christmas. I really need to commit to getting her in the room that I so painstakingly decorated before she was born!

2. Connect with more mommy friends in real life (IRL). I have connected with some amazing women online in the past year and I am so thankful for their wisdom and friendship. But my real-life friendships are scant, and I have very few mommy friends. I recently had lunch with a couple of girls from high school, one who has a 10-month-old and one who is due in June, and I thought how nice it would be to get together more frequently. I have been invited to a mommy group that I have been unable to attend thus far due to my work schedule, but I want to make an effort to connect with local mommies somehow. I think this may get easier as it gets warmer in the spring and Amelia gets older, but I want to make this happen!

That's it. Those goals seem attainable, right? Perhaps not so attainable - staying awake until midnight to ring in the New Year. We'll see how that ones goes.

To all of my e-friends, I wish you a wonderful 2012. Those with new babies, may they grow happy and healthy in the coming year. For those still waiting on their miracles, I hope 2012 is your year, sooner rather than later.

A change in plans?

My last post about my BFP "anniversary" resulted in a lot of reflection and looking ahead for me. I always said I wanted three children, though I was pretty sure we would end up with two. After the rough first weeks we had with Amelia, I wasn't sure I could do it again. I joked that she was making a good case for being an only child. People told me I would change my mind, that I would forget it all. But four months in, I haven't, and I wonder what that means for our family going forward.

I love my sweet baby girl more than I ever thought possible. But motherhood has been a challenge for me. It is really, really hard for me to admit that. I have always wanted to be a mother. I love babies and kids, and I knew I wanted to be a mom - maybe more than anything else I've wanted in my life. When I finally saw those two pink lines, I was beyond thrilled. My dream was coming true and the anticipation of waiting for that sweet baby was like waiting for the ultimate Christmas gift. I had plans of all the things I would do, the pictures I would take, where she would sleep, the cute outfits she'd wear, how I would enjoy my maternity leave being at home with her. And then she arrived and all of my plans went out the window.

My child didn't sleep anywhere but on my chest. My maternity leave was spent in a haze of sleeplessness (I frequently told C that I was so tired I thought I might literally die). I didn't blog or take cute staged photos because she was always crying and needing me to hold her 24/7 (at times I was pretty sure there were more than 24 hours in a day). I didn't care for breastfeeding. She lived in sleepers because it was just easier that way. I cried, I fought with my husband, and I wondered what the hell I had gotten myself into. I was frustrated more often than not.

I realize some of those emotions aren't uncommon for new moms. But when I think about having another child (God willing) it causes unspeakable anxiety for me. Could I do it all again? How in the world could I handle another baby in addition to tending to the little one I already have?

And then there are the selfish thoughts that lie deep inside, that I almost fear saying out loud: I miss my life. I miss being able to get up and go. I am happy to be able to drink coffee and beer and not be uncomfortable just sitting in a chair like I was at the end of my pregnacy. As Amelia gets older, I know these things will get easier, and I'm not sure I can imagine regressing back to it all.

And then I feel like a horrible person for having these thoughts. Because I have so many e-friends (and one in real life) who want a baby more than anything in the world and are struggling to get there. I know I am so, SO blessed to have my baby girl and I don't want anyone to think for one second that I am ungrateful for that blessing. I love her so much my heart aches when I'm not with her. Her smiles are flat-out the best thing in my life. And I want my awesome daughter to have siblings. I want to be a good mom.

It's just that this thing that I've wanted for so long, this mommyhood gig ...it's different than I expected. I'm facing emotions I never dreamed I would face, and they lead me to wonder if I will in fact have an only child. I guess time will tell.

"I don't know how long I can do this, he said. I think the universe has different plans for me & we sat there in silence & I thought to myself that this is the thing we all come to & this is the thing we all fight & if we are lucky enough to lose, our lives become beautiful with mystery again & I sat there silent because that is not something that can be said." ~storypeople.com, "Different Plans"

One year ago today...

...we found out our lives were going to change forever via two little pink lines.

For fun reminiscing purposes (perhaps more fun for me than you):

My blog post

BFP post from TB

3 month letter to Amelia

Dear Amelia,

I can't belive you turned three months old last week! We celebrated your first Thanksgiving, and have so much to be thankful for. You are growing and changing every day - I just had to pack up some of your 0-3 month clothes and get out the 3-6 month boxes. You smile and laugh all the time, and you "talk" whenever you get the chance, especially in the morning. You have found your hands and they are always in your mouth - you try to get both of them in there at once sometimes!

In the past week or so you have become more of a binky baby and need one to calm you down when you are sleepy. You still get up once during the night most nights, but that's ok. I know we will have to move you to your own room soon, and I will miss having you right beside me.

Christmas is coming and so is the day we found out you were going to change our lives forever (Dec. 16). You were the greatest gift we could have gotten, and we love you so much!

Love, Mom

My little turkey at 3 months

You know you're a mom when...

There are always descriptions of heartfelt, touching moments where women "knew they were a mom." Looking at their babies' faces as they sleep, holding them for the first time...all of these are fine and good, but I have compiled a list of personal experiences that have let me know I've truly entered the world of mommyhood.

You know you're a mom when...

...you dig boogers out of your child's nose with your pinky nail, and then wait for the child to fall asleep before you get up to dispose of said boogs on a tissue. What? It's just baby snot...

...you fall asleep sitting up with a baby attached to your boob (granted, we are formula feeding now, but this happened a LOT in those first few weeks).

...you get spit up in your hair and just rinse it out in the sink.

...you can perform the following tasks with one hand: making a sandwich, eating the sandwich, making coffee, preparing a bottle, putting clothes away in a drawer, feeding the cat, retrieving mail, putting on socks, changing batteries in the baby swing. Bonus points: texting/emailing with one thumb.

...you automatically wake up when your child has slept for more than four hours because you realize you've been sleeping too long and obviously something must be wrong.

...you manage not to wreck your car as you reach into the back seat to stick a lost pacifier in your screaming child's mouth.

...you somehow juggle a carseat, diaper bag, purse, bag of bottles and your lunchbag in one trip to/from the car.

There you have it. I've officially been initiated into mommyhood - no turning back now! Other mommies - what have been your "Yup, I'm a mom" moments?

Happy November!

Seriously? November already? How did that happen?!?

I am such a bad blogger these days. The fact is that I feel there isn't anything terribly fascinating going on in my life and I feel like I may bore you all with updates about my darling baby. I mean, I find her amazing and cute, but maybe you will get sick of looking at pictures of her. No? Ok.

Well then here you go.

At her two-month check up, Amelia weighed 11 lbs even (50th percentile) and 23 inches (70th percentile). Here she is on her two month "birthday". (Coincidentally also my sister's 25th birthday.)

And here she is as a banana for Halloween (my niece was a monkey). Sorry for the crappy cell phone pic.

So what's new with us? I am back at work (did I already tell you that? I have no idea.) I am working four ten-hour days in an attempt to save on gas/babysitting expenses and in order to spend a day with my munchkin on Fridays. Most days I do ok, but by the time I get home there is little time to do anything but eat, get her bag ready for the next day, feed her a bottle and get us both to bed. It gets a little exhausting. And by "a little exhausting" I mean I actually fell asleep at my desk yesterday. Whoops.

There are days I miss her terribly and feel like I am missing out on her life, knowing she is now spending more time with the babysitter than she is with us. That's a hard pill to swallow. Yesterday she brought home "crafts" - a plastic bag ghost that she "helped" make by crumpling newspaper, and a little pumpkin frame magnet with her picture in it (ok, one more gratuitous baby pic - this is what she had on for Halloween)

But I digress. I was talking about missing out on special things with her. I feel like I should be the one to do her first craft with her. I am her mom after all. I just have to keep telling myself that if I didn't work, we wouldn't have a nice house for her to grow up in. Or food. Food is important. (Though we haven't been to the grocery in a few weeks so...there's not a lot going on in our fridge and cupboards these days.) So every night I try to cuddle up with her as much as possible, even if she is having no part of it.

She actually slept all night for three nights (yay!) but then we regressed into getting up at 3am to eat (boo!). C helps now by alternating nights with me but I still hear them get up so it's not like I get extra sleep.

Hmm...what else...I don't know. Everyone else's blogs are always full of fun giveaways and quirky themes and challenges, and I'm sorry to say all you've got is me and my poor exhausted mommy brain! Maybe someday I will get creative again!



A Letter to Amelia

I have actually been writing letters to my future children since I was in high school. Only a couple, mind you, but my mom wrote me a letter for my first birthday and I thought it was pretty cool when I read it years later. In the midst of the chaos of Amelia's first seven weeks of life, I took the time to write one to her and I thought I would share it.

To my sweet baby girl:

This first month or so of being your mommy has been the hardest thing I have ever done. Before you got here Mommy loved to sleep! And I haven't gotten to do nearly as much of that. And when I do you are often sleeping too - on my chest. You have cried a lot because your tummy hurts and it's so hard when I don't know how to help you.

But I am watching you "talk" to your Glo Worm now and it makes me smile - just like you have started to. And I put my thumb up to your tiny little feet and realize they are almost the same size. I get tears in my eyes when I remember cupping your fuzzy little head in the palm of my hand when you were first born because I know you're already growing so much and I am realizing everyone is right when they say I will miss these days. I just wanted to tell you that I love you already and I always will. I can't believe I am a mommy, but I am so happy and blessed to be yours.

Somewhere Out There...

I humbly apologize for being MIA lately. Mommyhood has been all-consuming, as Amelia is what we will call a "high maintenance" baby. Since day one we have had tummy troubles, and she never wants to be put down. I think it's a combo of colic/reflux. We did finally get her on Zantac last Friday and after a terrible day of screaming (her) and crying (me) two days ago, things are a little calmer and she is actually sleeping for a bit in her Rock n Play now.

I have stopped breast feeding, which was a difficult choice for me even though it wasn't something I ever honestly liked doing. Since I couldn't put her down I wasn't able to pump much, so I was the only one who could ever feed her and it was very stressful for me. She seemed to be in more pain with her stomach issues after BFing, so I thought it was for the best for both of us.

Other than that, I need to work on transitioning her to sleeping somewhere other than on me on the couch or recliner at night... I miss my bed, and the current arrangement isn't going to fly when I go back to work in three weeks *tear*. I should note that while she is sleeping on me at night she actually does pretty well with only getting up once or twice a night to eat - I'm hoping this continues when she's not attached to me like a little koala baby (see below).

She is stirring, so I'm going to try to add a couple of pics (in reverse chronological order) for now and I swear I'll be back again someday! Hard to believe she will be one month old tomorrow!

Trying out her playmat for the first time yesterday

Excited to watch her first Bengals game

How we sleep a lot

Mommyhood 101

Things I have learned in the past week or so:

- I miss sleeping in a bed, laying down. Four hours of sleep sitting up on the couch with a baby on my chest is the new "sleeping in."

- Having a newborn is harder than I ever imagined. I am genuinely second guessing having another child even though I've always wanted more than one.

- Receiving blankets will catch on fire if microwaved for too long. (I guess that's why the nurses suggested putting them in the dryer to try to calm her tummy...)

- Showers are a glorious commodity.

- Just when I think we've got it figured out - nope. Nice try.

- When you're looking for something to watch other than infomercials at 4am, there are only a handful of channels to choose from (including Food Network, ESPN, and Fox in case you're curious).

- My mom is awesome. I wouldn't have survived this long without her help.

- I liken breastfeeding to The Da Vinci Code - seriously, why is it so hard to figure out? I doubt cave people had La Leche League to help them.

- Apparently I will miss these sleepless days and nights when they are gone, according to every mom out there.

Hello, world!

Rundown of early labor:
Saturday, Aug. 20 - lost MP around 8:30 am. I'll spare you the details...
Sunday, Aug. 21 - was at the grocery store when I felt "something" - more mucus, tinged pink. Had some crampy feelings all day.
Monday, Aug. 22 - woke up around 1:00 am (thanks to the cat coughing up a hairball). Definite contractions. Went back to sleep until 3:00 am and started having contractions about every 10 minutes. I was timing them only by counting and thought they were 15 seconds long. I later got out my watch and it turns out it was more like 30-40 seconds.

I decided to let C sleep and started putting last minute things together into the hospital bag. To kill some timeI decided to assemble the Rock n Play sleeper...and managed to drop a piece on my toe and it started bleeding. The morning was off to a good start.

I slept off and on from 5:30 to 7:20 when I went to wake up C on the couch. Told him I'd been up all night having contractions but they weren't close enough to go to the hospital.  He was very nonchalant. Got ready for work, kissed me on the forehead and was gone. I told him to stay nearby!

Spent rest of morning watching TV, took a shower. I called my OB's office to see what I needed to do after hours and asked which doctor was on call - of course, the one I didn't want. Sigh.

The contractions lasted all day but weren't getting any closer together - about 10 minutes apart. By about 9 p.m., I decided to call the OB when they were about 6.5 minutes apart (thank you handy dandy contraction app). I was told I could come in to the hospital, and we headed out around 9:30. I couldn't believe this was probably it!

We registered in the ER and my mom and dad met us there. I was taken to observation where they checked me and I was told I was 3 cm (as I had been when I was checked the week before) but 90% effaced and they could feel my water "bulging". The OB came in and told them to go ahead and admit me. She had a C section to handle and then would be back to break my water if need be.

Once I was in the room I got a dose of Fentanyl to take the edge off. I was about 4cm at that point. Once it wore off the contractions were getting pretty painful and I was clinging to the hope of the epidural coming soon. My mom was in the room and C was taking a break in the hall. By the time they got out of surgery, I was 6cm and fully effaced. The doctor came and broke my water at that point, which was pretty uncomfortable but took some of the pressure away temporarily. She told me there was meconium in the fluid, so we would need to keep an eye on her when she came out and they would bring a NICU doctor in just in case. The same thing had happened with my niece so I was hoping everything would be ok.

Then the anestesiologist dropped the bomb: "I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but we aren't going to be able to give you an epidural because of the infection in your leg." (Remember that mole I had taken off? Yeah, still dealing with that.) Apparently if the infection got into my spine I could end up with a spinal abcess, which could mean I could become paralyzed. I couldn't believe it. I'd planned on the epi and I was already in a lot of pain. I had no idea how I was going to do it. They offered more Fentanyl and I think I got it but it did nothing to take the edge off. I was told that if I could get IV antibiotics in my system for an hour I could get the epi but I knew there wasn't enough time. They hooked me up anyway.

Things progressed pretty quickly at that point. To C's credit, he stayed right by me and did amazingly well. I had been really worried about him passing out or not being able to handle the pressure but he was great. I started pushing somewhere around 2 a.m. from what I can piece together. Her head was stuck so they kept checking me and called the doctor because they knew I would either need an episiotomy or the vacuum. (I ended up with the episiotomy.) The rest is kind of a blur, but at 3:09 a.m. our baby girl arrived. They put her on my stomach all slippery and screaming which was good news because of the meconium.

All in all I definitely didn't get the birth I planned on and I would never do it without an epi again given the choice. I give so much credit now to women who choose to go natural!

Here are some pics from the hospital:

Amelia Grace, 7 lbs, 3.8 oz, 20 inches long

Born 8/23/11 at 3:09 a.m.

Headed home

Ok, now I get it

[No clue why there is a good two inches of blank space at the top of this post.]

I have been very blessed by a pretty uneventful pregnancy - no morning sickness, feeling pretty good and having everyone tell me I look great. So when I've read about the pregnant ladies who are SO ready to be done being pregnant, I naively thought, "I'll never say that." I would like to humbly retract that statement.

In all reality, I am still not ready to NOT be pregnant. I've kind of liked it and I feel like I am going to miss it once I have an outside baby. And knowing my little bun is tucked safely inside the oven where I don't have to worry about the millions of things that come with being a new parent is pretty great. But I feel like I am quickly approaching the miserable line.

- My feet are swollen (which is not helped by the fact that my leg, as mentioned here, is still not healed, but that's another story). I wear flip flops to work every day and my feet seem to have permanent lines from the straps.

My feet look like his.

- I can't bend over or roll over without feeling like I'm trying to climb Mount Everest. I dropped an earring under my night stand last night and almost cried because I had no clue how I was going to find it. 

- I feel sick to my stomach and have my reflux flare up on a pretty regular basis and there is NO room for food. My darling husband keeps telling me that if he were pregnant he would eat everything in sight. Unfortunately I have nowhere to put it.

If only I could store food in my cheeks...

- I wake up about six times a night having to switch positions - see above re: rolling over.

- Everything annoys me. Everything. And it usually leads to some sort of emotional meltdown at my husband's expense. Last night the cat puked on the floor as I was sitting with my giant cartoon feet in the recliner, and C was complaining about having to clean it up. I started yelling about how the cat couldn't help it and if he was going to complain about it I would just haul myself in the other room and figure out how to get to the floor and do it myself.

Me.

- I have no clothes that fit. I am rotating through three skirts (same style, different colors), one pair of shorts, and a few dresses. The weather finally cooled off and I tried to wear jeans today - alas, my one pair of maternity jeans wouldn't go past my thighs.

So...to everyone who told me I'd be so over pregnancy at the end, I concede. You're right. I value every day my baby girl stays where she needs to be, and I don't want to rush her in any way, but to quote the lovely Katherine McPhee, "I'm so over it."

*disclaimer* I really, really hope I didn't jinx myself by writing this because I have an appt this afternoon with an ultrasound to double check the baby's growth since my belly measured the same two weeks in a row. The OB wasn't too concerned and I'm interested to see how big she is getting, but I want her to hang out in there for at least another week - Mom's got stuff to do yet!

36 weeks (a little belatedly)

I hadn't done an update in awhile, so I figured why not...

How far along are you?: as of today I am 36w 5days

 

How big is baby? Around 6 lbs if the books are to be believed

Weight gain/loss?: +35-ish lbs

 

Stretch marks?: Miraculously no, but I keep waiting for them to show up.

Maternity clothes?: My wardrobe is very limited these days. I have taken to wearing the hubby's tshirts when I get home from work because so few of mine cover my stomach!

Sleep?: Finally kicking my butt. I wake up every night at 1:30, 3:30, 4:30 and 5:30, and my poor husband has been kind enough to sleep on the couch for much of the past two weeks.

 

Best moment this week?: Realizing there's only a month to go!

Food cravings?: Still fruit - grapes, strawberries, apples...good thing it's summer! 

Gender?: Girl!

 

Movement?: She enjoys shoving body parts into my sides and ribs and rolling all around pretty regularly.

 

Belly button?: Still flat.

 

Symptoms?: Swollen feet. My hands have started getting tingly and my arm falls asleep when when sleep. And I feel like I need a forklift to get me off the couch and out of bed.

 

What do I miss?: Beer. And being able to move like a normal person.

 

Here's my pic from last Saturday at 36 weeks, before my sister's bridal shower at my house.

 

I'm hoping after my SIL's bridal shower Saturday that I will be able to make some headway on final projects/organizing in the nursery. New heat and a/c should be taken care of upstairs in the next couple of weeks, and maybe just maybe I will find a way to get a new vehicle before this baby gets here! She'd better hang in there for a couple more weeks because Mom has a lot to do!

A leg to stand on

In my last post I mentioned that I had had minor surgery on my leg so I thought I would expand a little. It all started with a really dark mole on my left calf that looked suspicious to me. When the opportunity arose for a free skin cancer screening at work several months ago, I took advantage of it. The doctor said that while normally color alone is not cause for concern with a mole, this one WAS very dark and I should probably have a biopsy done. I put it off for a little while, then finally saw a dermotologist at the end of June. They did what they call a punch cut biopsy where they basically cut a hole in my leg that looked pretty awful for a couple of weeks. I have pictures but I'll spare you the grusome details.

When I went back for my follow-up they told me the lab results couldn't rule out melanoma but couldn't confirm it either, so they'd like to get more of it. I was pretty upset because the gaping hole already on my leg looked awful enough and I wasn't sure what to expect. But I ultimately decided to go through with it.

Fast forward to a week ago Friday. I had the surgery on my leg and wasn't given any indication of the amount of pain I would have afterward. Maybe I should have realized when the nurse told me she could "see your muscle" when they were in there. When the numbness from the surgery wore off...holy crap. I spent Saturday and Sunday limping around, and by Monday I could hardly walk. Let me say that I am not a wuss when it comes to pain. I swear. But this was by far the worst pain I've been in in my life. And of course, being pregnant, there is very little I can take in the way of pain medication.

Went back and saw the surgeon on Tuesday. He said I may have been getting an infection due to some drainage and the pain, so he prescribed an antibiotic. I ended up being off work last Monday-Thursday, using my precious sick leave that I was trying to hang on to for the end of my pregnancy. Long story shorter, over a week later I am still having a very hard time getting around. Had I known how badly this was going to hurt I would never have done it being 8-9 months pregnant.

Bottom line, sun worshippers - it's not worth it. I spent more time than I care to admit trying to tan my pale Irish self in tanning beds, and I am absolutely done. I wouldn't go through this again for a million bucks. Hopefully I will be on the mend soon because there is soooo much to be done before this little girl makes her debut! More on all of that coming soon!

The final countdown

When I woke up this morning I realized the date was July 27 - one month before my due date. I absolutely cannot believe I am going to be a mommy so soon! Where has the time gone?!? There is so much we still have to do - finish the nursery (I have been kind of immobile due to a minor surgery on my leg the past week - that's another story for another time), figure out child care, take care of the heating and a/c situation upstairs. Possibly get me a new car (I'm thinking this isn't going to happen in the next month). Oh, and did I mention I'm hosting bridal showers for my sister and soon to be SIL on back-to-back weekends? Yeah, I'm crazy like that.

We finished our birthing classes last week and I was able to get the last few items we needed for the nursery with my Target completion coupon and gift cards. Yesterday our crib mattress, swing, baby book and changing pad covers arrived. I also spent an afternoon at Target picking up things like nursing bras, lounge pants for the hospital, etc. I would like to get my hospital bag packed soon just in case. I think I've been putting that off because it makes it awfully real when you're all set to go to the hospital, but I am not one for chaos so I'd probably better get on that lest I want to leave it up to my husband to pack for me - yikes!

I promise to post more as we finish the nursery, etc. For now, here is my 35 week bump shot for your viewing pleasure. Oh, and I got a new cell phone this week so I should have better quality cell pics from now on :o)

These things I'll never say

5 bonus points if you recognize the post title as Avril Lavigne lyrics.

This weekend I drove three hours north to go to my best friend's baby shower. I first mentioned her here when I found out we were going to be pregnant "together". (Quotes because we really only see each other once a year now.) I love her more than just about anyone in the world (she is close in ranking to my husband...maybe even above him some days!). There is absolutely nothing we can't and haven't talked about, from love to family to ovulation and everything in between. We "get" each other like no one else.

But the one thing we've never discussed is money. Because you see, she has it and I don't. Let me say that I get that she worked her ass off in college - completing a 7-year doctorate program in 6 years, never getting summer or Christmas breaks off - and I don't begrudge her the rewards of that hard work. But she makes more than C and I combined, and that's not even with her husband's salary which I don't think is anything to scoff at either. It's even tougher because we are really struggling financially right now (yes, good timing with a baby on the way). So when I went to her house this weekend (her house that cost more than double what ours cost... and yes, I'm a horrible friend because I looked up the sale price on the auditor's website), it was like rubbing salt in the "we need a money tree" wound. Things I couldn't say to her this weekend:

"I wouldn't have missed your shower but it took a full tank of gas for me to get here and back and now I'm afraid we can't afford groceries this week."

"Of course I want to go to dinner with you...but can we please go somewhere I can eat for under $10?"

"An iPad 2 and a new cell phone, huh? Yeah...I still have this refurbished Blackberry and C's using my old phone that is the same one you had three phones ago."

"I'm glad you guys have nice cars. I still have the same one I drove in college and I'm trying to figure out how to get a new one so I can even fit a carseat in it."

So yeah. It was great to see her but I did come home a little depressed about being one of the have nots.

On a happier note, here's a pic of us and our bumps - me at 33 weeks, and her at 30-ish weeks.

Long time no post!

Sorry I have been kind of MIA lately, but really we've just been coasting through summer without anything too exciting going on. I had my second baby shower last Saturday and am thrilled that between all we've gotten as gifts and remaining gift cards, there should be very little we have to buy ourselves. I started washing and organizing clothes last weekend, and the nursery is starting to look like a real room. We still need our crib mattress (getting it with a gift card once we get the Target completion coupon), a lamp, rug, and some other odds and ends. Pics when it's done, I promise!

Last night we started birthing classes. They have this plastic thing that shows you how big each centimeter of dilation is and um...wow. Ten centimeters is a little frightening! We have two more classes, and then I guess we're supposed to be ready to have a baby - ha! When we practiced relaxation breathing I kept thinking, "Phhssshh, how hard can this be?" I have a feeling I'm going to change my tune when the contractions hit...

I also had a regular OB appointment today with an ultrasound to check my placenta. I'm happy to report that it is no longer low (yay!), and that baby girl is curled up right where I thought she was - head down, curled around my right side with her little butt in my ribs. They're estimating her at 4lbs 9oz which seems crazy big to me but apparently she is just right. Since she was smushed up against my belly I didn't get very good pics.

For your viewing pleasure, my bump shot from last weekend at 32 weeks, before the shower:

And a little old school Amy Grant for your appreciation:
"Baby, baby, I'm taken with the notion/To love you with the sweetest of devotion/Baby, baby, my tender love will flow from/The bluest sky to the deepest ocean..."

10 weeks to go

I hit the 30 week mark on Saturday (coincidentally the day of my first baby shower) and I can't believe we're getting so close! This shower was with C's family and a few friends and went well for the most part, minus some family drama from his aunt at the end. We've gotten a lot off our registry, though there will still be some big ticket items to buy when all is said and done. My best friend who lives three hours away was able to come down and stayed the night - she is due three weeks after me (first mentioned here) and it was great to spend time with her. Here's a pic of us at the shower with our girls :o)

Customary 30 week bump shot before the shower

In nursery progress news, I got down to some serious nesting on Sunday while C went golfing with his stepdad for Father's Day. I spent forever rearranging the furniture and am still not 100% sure it is all where it will end up but it will do for now.

Bookshelf from a flea market that C refinished plus the framed embroidery I previously mentioned.

I'm going to repaint the frames and they'll be hung on the wall.

Trying to decide what to do on the flat area of the sloped wall near the ceiling.

I love these alphabet and number cards from etsy, but I'm not sold yet. The bedding is buried somewhere in the crib since we don't have our mattress yet.

Garage sale dresser that my dad refinished - I'll be getting new knobs for it. I'm hoping to squeeze a glider in between the crib and dresser (you see why I have a furniture placement problem?).

Other items to do include still getting the heating/air conditioning situation worked out upstairs and C needs to fix the ceiling where some of the drop tiles are coming loose. I need to decide on some sort of valance for the window too and find some little things like a lamp and a letter "A" that I plan to decoupage with tissue paper. I'm also working on a bird mobile, not that I even know where it's going at this point! After my next shower in two weeks I hope to start washing and organizing clothes. Where in the world has the time gone?!

Life's a Beach

I have been trying to create a new post since coming back from Myrtle Beach on Saturday, but Blogger decided it wouldn't let me add pics until last night (I am also currently unable to comment on anyone else's blogs, even anonymously. So I am not ignorning you, blog friends! I am reading diligently but have no means to let you know. *Sad face.*)

Anywho...I definitely enjoyed having a week off work and getting some sun (man, I am so pasty!). I love the beach and the sunshine, but there is a "but". We were with my hubby's whole family. And by whole family I mean his mom, stepdad, brother, brother's fiancee, other brother, SIL, 3 month old niece, his SIL's father, her two half sisters (ages 13 and 11) and the 13 year old's friend. In one condo. Granted, there were six bedrooms but let me just tell you that I was way over family vacation by the end.

There were simply too many people who all thought we needed to do everything together, and this ultimately resulted in a meltdown for me on Friday, our last night there. That day happened to be our two-year anniversary, and all I really wanted was to spend time with my husband. We did have a nice lunch together, but at dinner time his brothers insisted on seafood (which I hate) and we ended up at a cheesy seafood buffet. And I started crying because I am a hormonal mess. Long story short, C (my hubby) and I went and ate across the street by ourselves after my meltdown. He told me, "I gave up all-you-can-eat crab legs for you." I love him :)

The other cause of stress for me was my 3 month old niece. Not that she was bad, but it just seemed like SO much work! And at 3 mos old it's not like she DOES anything. I mean, it's cute when she laughs but she just lays there. Kind of boring! So I was also having intermittent moments of panic where I thought, "What the hell did we get ourselves into?!"

All in all, it was a nice trip but I don't think we'll be doing a repeat next year despite the fact that several family members had begun starting sentences with, "Well next year when BOTH babies are here..." No way, José.

And now, for your viewing pleasure, some vacation pics, including an unveiling of my husband's face!

C & his brother digging me a belly hole on the beach. hehe.

On our anniversary at Barefoot Landing - we have several pics like this (see below).

Our first trip to Myrtle Beach in 2008.

And on our wedding day in OBX.

Also on our anniversary, C bought this all on his own for the nursery :)

He was really excited to learn the name is apparently German.

And last but not least, my beach belly at 28 weeks.

And today's song lyrics, compliments of our usual beach vacation soundtrack, Jimmy Buffett:

"Nibblin on sponge cake/Watchin' the sun bake/All of those tourists covered with oil/Strummin' my six-string/On my front porch swing/Smell of shrimp, they're beginnin to boil...

Wastin' away again in Margaritaville/ Searching for my lost shaker of salt/ Some people claim that there's a woman to blame/ But I know it's nobody's fault..."

Third Tri and Beach Bound!

Wow. How am I here already?! Third trimester?! I think it's so hard to believe because this pregnancy has been so easy *knock on wood* that I haven't really felt pregnant until the last couple of months. I absolutely cannot believe that in about 3 months this abstract, squirmy thing in my belly is going to be an actual baby - OUR baby. One that lives with us and relies on us and maybe even looks like us. Holy crap.

We leave for a week in Myrtle Beach tonight and I can't wait. We're going with MH's family and I may be ready to strangle someone by the end (especially since I can't drink!) but I am looking forward to some warm weather and sunshine since the weather here has been SO rainy this spring. I'm hoping I do ok with the flight (it's only an hour and a half and it's a direct flight) and with walking around in the heat. Pics to come afterward, I'm sure!

How far along are you?: 27 weeks

How big is baby? Um...eggplant sized I think?

Weight gain/loss?: +20-ish lbs total (yikes!)

Stretch marks?: None so far but I definitely check every day!

Maternity clothes?: Oh yes. And I need to stop buying them! I keep trying to remind myself that I am only going to be pregnant for three more months!

Sleep?: Still pretty good

Best moment this week?: My SILs feeling her move. And I passed my GTT.

Food cravings?: Apple slices 

Gender?: Girl!

Movement?: She is definitely moving in there. I mostly feel her at night, but she makes sure to kick me a few times during the day too.

Belly button?: Definitely getting flat.

Symptoms?: I've been really tired, and my back kills me on the left side after sitting at my desk all day. Also had my first feet swelling incident this week after walking around campus - fun stuff.

What do I miss?: I will definitely miss alcohol when I'm at the beach next week. *giant sad face*

See you all in a week! :o)

30 Years Young

Once again (as will be the case almost all summer), I had a busy weekend. I turned 30 on Friday the 13th - cue creepy Twilight music! (Actually it was no biggie, as I also turned 13 on Friday the 13th and I didn't spontaneously combust or anything.) We went to dinner at Olive Garden with my family on Friday night - my aunt and uncle/godfather were in town from Arizona for my grandpa's birthday party, so it was nice to have everyone together. For once the weather was even nice on my birthday! Here's a pic of me that night. I told my hubby I thought my dress was too short and that people would think I was a slutty pregnant lady. He said, "Then they'll know how you got that way!" hehe

 25 weeks, 6 days - is it just the lights or do I have that pregnant lady "glow"??



On to the gifts... My parents got me this new video camera - the Kodak Playfull - that I wanted to capture baby moments. It's so eensy weensy - even smaller than my cell phone!

My husband got me a certificate for a massage per my request, and when I opened his card I almost cried. He wrote, "I love you and I can't wait to meet little Amelia. That's right, I said Amelia. That is my other gift to you. Our little girl will be named Amelia Grace Miller." He previously had told me on many occasions how much he disliked the name Amelia and also didn't really like Grace, so I was completely shocked that he would make that offer. It was so sweet, but now I feel weird committing to a name after so long!

Here's a gratuitous shot of my niece at dinner because she is just too darn cute.

"Do you think there's any money in this envelope?"

Saturday I went shopping with my mom and aunt while my hubby and the boys golfed. I got a couple of baby things (the outfit below, some cute onesies, and a car mirror for the back seat). 

I came home to the tornado sirens going off, even though there wasn't a tornado warning in our immediate area. There were some funnel clouds spotted but luckily we weren't really in any danger. I did almost lose my mind though, because the sirens went off for an hour! This is the fourth time they've gone off since we've moved - I'm so over our weather this spring!

Sunday was a surprise 90th birthday party for my grandfather (he is actually my grandma's second husband - my grandpa died when I was 2). My mom did a lot of work for the party and I got there early to help set up. It was a nice afternoon with friends and family - here's a pic of my grandma and grandpa as my dad was giving a speech about him. I hope my husband and I are still this in love at 90 years old!

So by last night I was one exhausted girl! It's tough getting old ;o) But all in all I had a great weekend and felt very blessed to be surrounded by so much love!

"May the good Lord be with you down every road you roam
And may sunshine and happiness surround you when you're far from home
And may you grow to be proud , dignified and true
And do unto others as you'd have done to you
Be courageous and be brave
And in my heart you'll always stay
Forever young..." - Rod Stewart

Happy Mother's Day!

Obviously this Mother's Day has me thinking a lot about what it means to be a mom. I can't believe that in a little over three months I will be someone's mommy! I mean...I still need MY mommy! My mom and I have always had a good relationship and I hope that my daughter and I share a special bond too. Sure, I went through the bratty teenage years and then a slightly delayed rebellious stage in my 20s where we didn't see eye to eye, but now I talk to my mom several times a week and don't know what I would do without her. This Taylor Swift song has always made me tear up, especially now that I am going to have a little girl of my own:

While I was listening to the song the other day I started thinking about the qualities I hope I'll have as a mom.

"I'm five years old, it's getting cold, I've got my big coat on
I hear your laugh and look up smiling at you, I run and run

Past the pumpkin patch and the tractor rides

Look now -- the sky is gold
I hug your legs and fall asleep on the way home..."
 

*I want to be the kind of mom who takes the time to do little, fun things with my kids and create memories that I'll always remember (and hopefully they will too).*

"I'm thirteen now and don't know how my friends could be so mean
I come home crying and you hold me tight and grab the keys
And we drive and drive until we've found a town far enough away
And we talk and window-shop til I've forgotten all their names..."

*I want to be the kind of mom my daughter can confide in - who can comfort her when those inevitable awful teen years strike. I kept secrets from my mom, as I'm sure all daughters do, but I want her to feel comfortable with and trust me.*

"Now I know why all the trees change in the fall
I know you were on my side, even when I was wrong
And I love you for giving me your eyes
For staying back and watching me shine

And I didn't know if you knew, so I'm taking this chance to say
That I had the best day with you today."

*I hope I'll be the kind of mom who knows when to hold on and when to let go no matter how hard it may be. And I hope that, no matter what happens as she grows up, she will be as grateful for her mom's role in her life as I am for mine now.*

So to all the moms and moms-to-be, happy Mother's Day! And to those still waiting on their little miracles, I hope that this time next year finds you well on your way to mommyhood as well. (And a special thank you to my awesome friend Kathy for my first Mother's Day card that came in the mail today - you're going to make such a great mom!)

Busy weekend

As is indicated by my creative post title I had a busy weekend, which will be the case for the majority of my summer until our baby girl gets here. First up was a garage sale at my in-laws' on Saturday to clear out some of my stuff and make a little extra money for vacation at the end of the month. It went well but I think I overdid it a little. Because I have felt so good throughout my pregnancy I sometimes forget my body may not react the way it used to. So after hauling around boxes and tables, I had what I think was my first case of sciatic nerve pain Saturday night. Ouch.

Yesterday (Sunday) I threw a baby shower for my friend, J, who is due July 4th. It was at her mom's house but I did all of the planning, shopping and set up, so I was a tired girl by the end of it! J and I have been friends literally since the day I was born - our parents live across the street from each other, and we're three months apart in age. I realized our little girls will be even closer in age than we are! Unfortunately she lives in Louisville (4 hours away) so I probably won't see her again until after her little girl is born. Here's a pic of us and our girls :)

My hubby finished the backyard fence over the weekend as well, knocking one project off our mile-long list. Here's a before pic of the chain link and rotting wood fence that were there before (the hideous light has been removed as well):

And here is our new fence. I'm so glad we don't have to look at the neighbors' back yards (or the ugly fence) anymore. Lots of landscaping to do yet but it's a definite improvement. That's a playhouse at the right of the pic, by the way. Can't wait for our kids to get to play in it!

The rest of this month brings more busy weekends - next Saturday I help judge majorette tryouts for my friend K who coaches at the local high school and then Mother's Day. The following weekend I turn 30 (yikes!) and we have a 90th birthday party for my grandpa. The weekend of the 21st I plan to do some shopping and hopefully work on the nursery since it's one of our few free weekends, and then we're off to Myrtle Beach for a week starting May 28th - yay!

I felt I hadn't ended with some song lyrics for awhile, but all that came to mind was "Rain" by Creed...a band I don't particularly love, but hey, it works with all the dreary weather we've had here lately!

"I feel it's gonna rain like this for days
So let it rain down and wash everything away
I hope that tomorrow the sun will shine
With every tomorrow comes a new life..."

Nursery Sneak Peek

While we still have a lot of work to do on the room that will be our nursery, I thought I'd give a sneak peak at the pieces and parts that will go into it. I don't have one of those fancy inspiration boards that all the cool kids have, so you're just going to have to make do with what you see here.

The room is definitely "cozy," with barely even a real closet. (Pics of that later.) Here is the room before we moved in - it is currently filled with all the baby stuff I'm accumulating as well as the overflow of my clothes...

We will be ditching the window a/c and baseboard heat once we have our furnace replaced (thankfully my husband works for his uncle's HVAC company). The plan is to paint the walls a pale green, and maybe do something to accent the little "nook" on the right which is where I plan to put the crib (see below - we got the Graco Charleston 4-in-1, which my parents so kindly bought for us).

We already have the changing table that matches the crib (scored for half off at Target!) and a bookshelf that we bought last fall at a flea market that is being painted white.

The bedding is Bananafish Bohemian Chic, which has already arrived. I liked it because it was a little girly but still a little more contemporary than some of the really "babyish" designs.

I also picked up a set of two embroidered pieces at a local antique store that I just couldn't resist. They have bright colors that will match perfectly and lots of little details that I can see our little one staring at and discovering (little bunnies, snails, butterflies, etc.) I figured they were a nice unique touch that didn't come from a retail chain - plus they're already framed and I got both of them for only $27! Here's one of them - they actually make a continuous scene when you put them side by side. Sorry for the quality of the pic, it was with my phone.

So lots to do yet, but I thought I'd share since you're probably all getting sick of my boring routine baby updates!

Half Baked!

As of Saturday I officially hit the 20 week mark, meaning I am halfway through my pregnancy. How in the world is that possible? I feel like there's still so much to do. We should be getting our crib and bedding this week so we can start looking at painting the nursery, but we also have to deconstruct the ceiling due to some tiles falling down (we have ceiling tiles throughout the house because of our old plaster ceilings) and get some heat and A/C in the nursery. Oh, and at some point we need to decide on a name I suppose.

I know these updates are not the most fascinating things to read, and I promise to add something of substance here soon - maybe some house project updates because we have a few going on. Until then...

How far along are you?: 20 weeks

How big is baby? A mango I think (Correction - she's a cantalope. Wow that seems big!)

Weight gain/loss?: +10-ish lbs

Stretch marks?: not yet

Maternity clothes?: I've been rocking the mat pants more often than not

Sleep?: I've actually been sleeping great, though this morning I woke up at 5 a.m. because I was dreaming a bear was trying to eat me.

Best moment this week?: Hitting the halfway mark, and my husband seeing a kick (though he hasn't felt one yet).

Food cravings?: Nachos 

Gender?: She's still a girl

Movement?: She's kicking for sure.

Belly button?: Getting a little flatter.

Symptoms?: Still feel good!

What do I miss?: With the weather getting warmer I'd love a nice cold beer.

Here's my 20 week bump pic. I'm still regularly getting, "You barely look pregnant!" and "I looked like that at 8 weeks!" Eh. Whatever. You'll all change your tune when I'm waddling around in July!

She's still a she!

Today was our anatomy scan - I was a little nervous but everything was great! Unfortunately my hubby wasn't able to take off work, so mom was flying solo for this one. Baby girl's heart, kidneys, spine and all looked good, and the tech confirmed she is indeed a girl! (Not going to lie...I was a little nervous about that too! Especially with all the girly stuff I've already bought...)

Of course she was kicking up a storm all day yesterday and today she barely moved - except to open and close her mouth and to wave at me! :) We got a DVD of the u/s - here's a brief clip:

Baby Miller says, "Hi everyone!"

More good news is that my cervix looked great (I had a LEEP years ago and was worried about that). My OB did tell me that my placenta is "a little low" but that she definitely is not worried about it at this point. She said, "Really this just means you'll get another ultrasound at 30 weeks." Which of course makes me happy since I couldn't believe this would be the last time we saw our little girl before we see her for real! So hopefully that situation will resolve itself - otherwise I would need a C-section.

Finally, they will keep my due date at Aug. 31 but I am going with Aug. 27 - the date Fertility Friend originally gave me, which matched up perfectly with her measurements today. (If you recall I'd gotten two different dates - both ahead of that - with my prevous two ultrasounds.) That's the day after my grandma's birthday (which she shares with my aunt) and we MAY name baby girl after her.

Next appointment is the end of April when I start rotating through the OBs at my practice. Fun fact - the one I see next is the one who delivered my sister when she was born!

Otherwise we are still doing well - I've had some hip pain and round ligament pain that was bad enough to wake me up the other night but overall I can't complain. And I've felt plenty of kicks and saw them from the outside last night as well. I can't wait until my husband feels them too!