These things I'll never say

5 bonus points if you recognize the post title as Avril Lavigne lyrics.

This weekend I drove three hours north to go to my best friend's baby shower. I first mentioned her here when I found out we were going to be pregnant "together". (Quotes because we really only see each other once a year now.) I love her more than just about anyone in the world (she is close in ranking to my husband...maybe even above him some days!). There is absolutely nothing we can't and haven't talked about, from love to family to ovulation and everything in between. We "get" each other like no one else.

But the one thing we've never discussed is money. Because you see, she has it and I don't. Let me say that I get that she worked her ass off in college - completing a 7-year doctorate program in 6 years, never getting summer or Christmas breaks off - and I don't begrudge her the rewards of that hard work. But she makes more than C and I combined, and that's not even with her husband's salary which I don't think is anything to scoff at either. It's even tougher because we are really struggling financially right now (yes, good timing with a baby on the way). So when I went to her house this weekend (her house that cost more than double what ours cost... and yes, I'm a horrible friend because I looked up the sale price on the auditor's website), it was like rubbing salt in the "we need a money tree" wound. Things I couldn't say to her this weekend:

"I wouldn't have missed your shower but it took a full tank of gas for me to get here and back and now I'm afraid we can't afford groceries this week."

"Of course I want to go to dinner with you...but can we please go somewhere I can eat for under $10?"

"An iPad 2 and a new cell phone, huh? Yeah...I still have this refurbished Blackberry and C's using my old phone that is the same one you had three phones ago."

"I'm glad you guys have nice cars. I still have the same one I drove in college and I'm trying to figure out how to get a new one so I can even fit a carseat in it."

So yeah. It was great to see her but I did come home a little depressed about being one of the have nots.

On a happier note, here's a pic of us and our bumps - me at 33 weeks, and her at 30-ish weeks.

BFF BFPs!

My best friend, A, and I first met in college. We were paired up through the random freshman housing lottery that somehow knew we were soul mates. I remember being so scared to live with a total stranger, but after staying up talking all night our first night, we knew we we had met for a reason! We spent four years of college doing everything together and while we live 3 hours apart now, we're still very close. We've been through so many major life events together and we catch up over the phone whenever we can to talk about life or just something silly.

And now we're going to be pregnant together, too! We had discussed and agonized about TTC over the phone for months, and my hubby and I started trying about 3 months before they did. So I taught her all about charting and OPKs - and it paid off, because it only took two cycles for her to get her BFP! Even though we don't live close to each other, I'm so excited to be going through this journey "together." I love her so much, and I am hoping and praying for happy, healthy pregnancies for both of us, with babies only 3 weeks apart!

And, in honor of our college days and because I've been out of the song lyrics loop in the blog for awhile, I leave you with some classic Bon Jovi:

"We gotta hold on to what we got/It doesn't make a difference if we make it or not/We've got each other and that's a lot for love/We'll give it a shot/Oh, we're halfway there/Oh, livin' on a prayer/Take my hand, and we'll make it I swear/Oh, livin' on a prayer..."

My lips are (kind of) sealed

A brief recap of what I posted on the TTGP board - I talked to my mom, who told me she had sensed that I wasn't excited about my friend being pregnant. So she asked if we were trying, and I confessed that we are. She asked how long, and I told her. She told me she was sorry because she didn't know, and that it can take awhile. Thankfully she also promised not to be bug me about it. So that's that. I feel better now. I'm not sure why I didn't tell her from the beginning, but I think maybe just because I wanted it to be a surprise when we do get pregnant. Which, with the roll I'm on telling people, it may not be a surprise to anyone!

Yesterday I started making a mental list of the people who know we are TTC. In order of when they found out, they are:

1. My best friend, A - She knew we were going to start trying months in advance, because she and her husband are going to be trying soon too and we talk about everything. We spent hours talking about babies and pregnancy long before my hubby and I got down to business. Now I've turned her on to charting, and it's so fun to stalk her!
2. My SIL - When she got pregnant (on birth control) she was totally freaked out and told me I should get pregnant with her. So I told her we were planning to start trying the following month.
3. My friend K (who dates my BIL) - I told her when we found out SIL was pregnant.
4. My two BILs - When my husband started having some performance issues, he talked to his brothers, so they know what's up too. I guess I shouldn't be the only one to get to confide in someone...
5. My friend B - She badgered it out of me. I dodged the conversation once, then finally caved and gave her the details.
6. Random former co-worker I visited recently - She asked, and caught me totally off guard (we never had that kind of a friendship!), so I just said, "Yeah..."
7. My (now pregnant) friend J - I spilled when she told me she was pregnant the other night, as I mentioned. I said we were trying, so maybe our kids could be friends like we were.
8. My mom (and therefore presumably my dad)
9. Oh, and hundreds of Internet strangers from TTGP. haha

There are still people who I don't want to know - my MIL, who can't keep a secret to save her life; my husband's dad and gf (because they are simply not tactful human beings); and a few other friends. My sister doesn't know either, but we've never had that kind of relationship. My mom had to be the one to tell me she was pregnant with my niece.

It's nice to have people in the loop, but I don't want to announce our pregnancy the second it happens, so I think they'll all be on the lookout for red flags like not drinking or not feeling well... oh well! Can't put the cat back in the bag now!

A gratuitous "cat out of the bag", not-so-great-quality shot of my kitty when she was a baby:

"I need another story/Something to get off my chest/My life gets kind of boring/Need something that I can confess...I'm gonna give all my secrets away..." - One Republic